If you keep butting up against the same problem with a colleague – a problem you think you’ve fixed, but that comes up repeatedly in slightly different variations – it could be a sign of conflicting values.
Values conflicts often seem to arise over:
- Money (fees, salaries and expenses)
- Time (working hours, punctuality)
- Effort and focus (work ethic, productivity, accountability)
- How we treat people (respect, courtesy)
If it is a values conflict (and it’s worth double checking that it’s not a case of your own poor management), you can be pretty sure that it’s going to keep on appearing until you do some deep work to address it.
These conflicts are tricky to handle because they’re often both emotion-laden and subjective. That is, we’re all pretty sure we’re right, and we’re indignant about being wronged – and our feelings of indignation double when realise how the other side of the argument perceives the things we say and do.
Some questions for working on values conflicts:
- What’s the history here? How has this problem shown up in the past, and what seems to be the root cause?
- What shortcoming of yours might they think is the root cause?
- How is everyone feeling about the issue? How will that affect the way they communicate?
- Assume for a moment that they have the same values as you do on this. What might make them act this way?
- What information are you missing (or failing to recognise the importance of) that would help you make better decisions here?
- What information do they have that might help you?
- What factors are you assigning importance to that they don’t know about or don’t recognise, and how can you close those gaps?
- Get advice – think particularly about people who might be able to fill in the missing information, or give perspective on how each party feels and why – and point out to you when you’re being unreasonable?
- Where does the power lie in this conflict? Does this affect how you should behave?
- If you’re convinced there is a conflict in values – check that you’ve consistently demonstrated the value in question in your treatment of others. What do you need to change?
- How can you talk about the value, sharing information and telling stories that weave it more deeply into your organisational culture?
- How will this affect how you choose new colleagues, suppliers or partners?
- Where are the lines you’re not prepared to cross?
- Are there people – respected colleagues, board members – that you can involve in the process in a way that takes the heat out of the situation, or reduces the extent to which you are seen as responsible (or are responsible) for the point of conflict?
- If (when?) you make a mistake in addressing this, how can you make sure that it’s a mistake on the side of kindness, generosity and trust?
Why are our compromises so often invisible to others?
We take a deep breath, struggle to assume the best, let go of a few things and then stretch out with all the patience and generosity and grace that we can muster to offer a compromise and meet them in the middle…
… and nobody sees it.
If only our families, friends, colleagues, suppliers and customers would be more reasonable, they’d compromise too.
Have fun, learn lots, work hard, be kind.
You only get to do this once, so how are you going to play?
There’s a time for gritting your teeth, grinding it out, pushing through barriers. No pain, no gain is often true.
But for everything that isn’t necessarily hard, what’s more of an incentive to show up – hard work or fun?
If little and often is the best way to build something, to help people, to grow – what’s going to bring you back often?
What’s going to make people want to come with you?
Life is too wonderful, funny, tragic and absurd not to have fun along the way. The older I get, the more important I think this is, and the more ridiculous it seems that we put on po-faces for so much of our working lives, as if curt nods and knitted brows signal expertise and authority more reliably than a bit of levity and, dare I say it… joy?
Catch and sing the sun in flight.
If my potential…
customer / employer / client / donor / partner / supplier
knew what I know about my…
product / last job / service / organisation / attitude / manners
would they still…
buy it / hire me / use it / give / join me / want my business ?
Would they be eager to do so?
Hat tip: SG
Steve Jobs is right about changing the world.
And here’s Edmund Burke with a counterpoint – for society read ‘society’, but also, ‘family’, and ‘your organisation’:
Society is indeed a contract. Subordinate contracts for objects of mere occasional interest may be dissolved at pleasure—but the state ought not to be considered as nothing better than a partnership agreement in a trade of pepper and coffee, calico, or tobacco, or some other such low concern, to be taken up for a little temporary interest, and to be dissolved by the fancy of the parties.
It is to be looked on with other reverence, because it is not a partnership in things subservient only to the gross animal existence of a temporary and perishable nature. It is a partnership in all science; a partnership in all art; a partnership in every virtue and in all perfection.
As the ends of such a partnership cannot be obtained in many generations, it becomes a partnership not only between those who are living, but between those who are living, those who are dead, and those who are to be born. Each contract of each particular state is but a clause in the great primeval contract of eternal society, linking the lower with the higher natures, connecting the visible and invisible world, according to a fixed compact sanctioned by the inviolable oath which holds all physical and all moral natures, each in their appointed place.Edmund Burke – Reflections on the Revolution in France
Stability counts. It’s a product of history, built by those who went before us. The strongest systems grow incrementally and through iteration, rather than flat-out revolution.**
Too much change will leave your team feeling adrift and uprooted, uneasy and struggling to focus. It’s great to get rid of things that cause friction and slow us down, but change too much, too fast, and things get slippery. It can be hard to keep a grip.
We’re just as blind to many of the things that hold us together as we are to the things that hold us back. So by all means, bounce – but don’t break the trampoline.
**Come back another day for tea with Hayek
The network effect is powerful, and a source of tremendous value, and we need to understand how it works.
Networks depend on standardisation – a consistent, accepted standard for how computers talk to each other, or how all Lego bricks fit together, or how a community works – a shared language and set of expectations that make it easier to collaborate.
We need these norms – they allow us to communicate, to work together better and faster, to make assumptions, even to ignore each other in relative safety. Norms, the middle ground, are the gravity that holds us together, the board from which we spring.
And there’s the tension. Norms that are too numerous or too binding tie us down. Our instinct is to break free, but it’s a dance: without norms and standards (social-cultural, technological), we fall apart. There’s nothing to stand on, push off, be in tension with, break free from.
Without springs and gravity there are no trampolines, and no difference between flying and falling.
Here’s a first try on the importance of fundamentals in learning.
Imagine you are holding a long stick – better yet, a sword or lightsaber – representing your ability to make a difference in the world.
The far end of the stick is the part that you’ll make the greatest impact with. It moves fastest, reaches furthest, hits hardest.
But it’s useless if you don’t know who or what you’re fighting for (and/or against).
And everything the end of the sword does depends on what happens at the handle. You need a good grip, and the part closest to the handle needs to be – I think – the strongest part of the sword (armourers?).
A small change in the person holding the sword, a small movement of the hilt, makes a huge difference to what happens at the pointy end.
The rest of the sword is just an amplifier.
This post was lost in the Crocapocalypse – I’m reposting it with its original date.
Look at the nearest child. How will they know what’s important when there’s no-one around to make decisions for them?
What will they live for?
What will they work and fight for?
Which prices will they think are worth paying, and which should never be paid?
Before basic skills, these moral underpinnings are the foundations of education. There’s a place for teaching values and ethics – also known as morals – but the best way to learn them is to see and experience them.
Richard Hackman‘s third lens on teams and team performance looks at what happens to the individuals on the team.
What happens to the individuals? Did they learn something? Did they grow and develop professionally, or was this a waste of their time or something that frustrated and alienated them?Richard Hackman
Team growth and individual growth are interrelated, but distinct. Team growth is (primarily) related to the team’s ability to work well together as a team, and whether their ability to get the job done is improving, and the improvement is sustainable.
Individual growth is about personal learning and development:
- Are the members of my team developing their own vision?
- Are they and exercising and deepening – or possibly redefining – their values?
- Are they gaining new tools – ideas, skills, understandings – that will serve them and others well, beyond the team?
- Are they developing significant relationships and resources that will help enrich their lives and the lives of those around them?
How is what you’re doing now going to make their lives better in future? How is the work of your team an act of generosity the teams of the future?
I listened to Andy Kaufman interviewing Richard Hackman on the People and Projects Podcast.